Being a kid is not as easy as it looks

The other day I was talking to a mother whose daughter was concerned about not having any friends in her classes next school year. Schedules had come out and it looked as though she might be facing a sea of brand new faces – again. Her mother and I casually assured her that “she would make lots of friends when school started.” We all hoped it would be true, but I left thinking, “boy am I glad I don't have to go through that anymore.”

It got me thinking about all the things we tell our kids or ask them to do that seem pretty easy but really can be quite difficult. As adults, we've found a way around many of these issues for ourselves.  For example:

“Don't worry – you'll make new friends.”

For many kids in our big school system, a new school year means entering an unfamiliar environment not knowing a soul. Walking up to an established group of people and extending yourself is hard at any age – and kids can be a tougher crowd than adults who have (hopefully) learned some social graces. As an adult, when is the last time you really had to open yourself up to possible rejection like this? Or put the effort into making a new friend? Although we may wish the process was easier for kids, it isn’t always.

“Try it – you'll like it.”

We ask (and sometimes demand) that our kids try new things all the time - a new activity, a new place, even a new food. We feel it's our responsibility to expose them to various opportunities and have them take risks even it's uncomfortable or scary. But how often as adults do we push ourselves out of our comfort zone? Try something new that might make us look silly or feel out of place? We know it's an important message to send our kids, but we become creatures of habit ourselves.

“Wait.”

“Now” is so much better than “later.” A hallmark of successfully navigating childhood, however, is developing impulse control. Patience is hard and we expect kids to wait - a lot. They wait in lines to go to the bathroom, wait for parents to get off the phone, wait to take their turn in class. It's another critical skill to learn but it's no fun and adults aren't always the best role models. We're impatient when the checkout person is too slow, the traffic light won't change fast enough and the kids take forever to get dressed/ finish dinner/ get to bed etc. Sometimes we just choose not to wait – which is our luxury as a grown up.

“Just get along.”

There will always be people we don't particularly like to be around but have to deal with anyway. As adults however, we have a good degree of control over these situations and can often choose the people we want to associate with. We can even avoid our parents or siblings if they annoy us. Kids don't have this option. If they have mean kids in their class, they have to deal with them all year. A teacher or bus driver they don't like – tough luck. We expect them to make the best of relationships with people they have little or no say in choosing - which most of us adults would not tolerate.

All of these things we say to children are important and necessary lessons to learn. We just need to remember not to minimize the difficulty of what we’re asking. Even as adults it's not always easy to make new friends, try new things, wait our turn or get along with people. Childhood is often romanticized as a carefree time in one's life, but it is really full of challenges. I, for one, enjoy the privileges of being a grown up.

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/