Does this column make me look fat?

Sometimes I want to give every young girl I see a big hug and reassure her that she looks absolutely fine just the way she is. It’s not easy being a girl now. It probably never was, but the pressure to be thin and achieve some idealized standard of beauty weighs heavier on girls now than ever before. From all angles, girls get the message that their perfectly healthy, strong, normally developing bodies aren’t good enough.

According to the National Institute on Media and the Family, a survey of 9 and 10 year old girls indicated that 40% have already tried to lose weight. By age 13, 53% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies. By age 17, this rate jumps to 78%. 

Who’s to blame?

The media

Is it possible to get through the checkout aisle at the grocery store without nearly every magazine telling you how to lose weight, look sexier and get a hot guy? Are television shows and commercials any better? At a time when the self-esteem of young girls is most vulnerable, our culture encourages them only to see their “imperfections.” 

Peers

Accepting yourself is tough when no one else seems to be doing it. Recent research on how peers influence body image discovered that conversations among high school girls focused on appearance, dieting and weight-monitoring as a part of every day (source: Sage Journals, Feminism & Psychology.) Girls are harsh critics, with each other and themselves.

Mothers

Although the media and peers have a significant influence on how girls view their body, their own mothers play a huge role as well. In the article Helping Girls With Body Image researchers on the subject note “Girls take to heart what their mothers say about bodies: their own, their daughters, those of strangers and celebrities. They notice when their mothers exercise obsessively, diet constantly, or make derogatory comments about their own appearance. That should come as no surprise, as mothers are a girl’s first and, often, most influential role model.”

What do we do with all this information? It’s unrealistic to think we can shield our daughters from every negative influence regarding their body image. As with most parenting issues however, the messages we send our kids consistently are the ones they will absorb the most. Girls need to know that their body is beautiful even if it doesn’t fit into their skinny jeans.   

Of course, they’ll only believe this if we do.

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/

The new rules of competition

Competition begins early in life – and rightly so. There are many great lessons kids can learn from competing with their peers. They see that hard work and practice can lead to success. Fellow competitors can be respected and admired for their skill. Teammates feel the camaraderie of working towards a common goal. Finally, kids have an opportunity to learn humility by taking losses in stride and being a gracious loser.

Too bad the adults that kids see paraded on television every night on reality competition shows rarely display any of these admirable qualities. The endless list of programs like The Apprentice, American Idol, Survivor, Dance Moms and even Chopped and Cupcake Wars give credence to the worst possible approaches to competition. Here’s what kids learn from the adults on these types of shows:

Blatantly promote yourself

The first step as a competitor on a reality show is to tell everyone how great you are. Skill and talent are not a prerequisite, but overconfidence is. The more entitled you feel you are to win, the better. The point here is to get attention and outrageous claims get you more air time.  Winning may actually be a secondary goal; the primary thrill just having the spotlight focused on you. 

Trash talk your competition

The flip side of promoting yourself is, of course, to denigrate your competitors. Catty, immature remarks are expected here. Don’t worry about anything you say actually being true. Or hurting anyone’s feelings. If you happen to win, crank it up a notch. 

Throw your teammates under the bus

After you have developed relationships with people on your team, form “alliances” against them. Have fun voting them off and eliminating them. Do this secretly if you can. Or do this as a group so you can publicly humiliate your former “teammates.” 

Be a sore loser

Go for the “wow” factor here. Throw a huge fit with tantrums, tears - even physically destroy something if possible. Include one last tirade of how you were wronged by your competitors.  Don’t forget to include why you deserved to win.  

The only redeeming value I can see to kids watching reality competition shows is that it illustrates in full color, high definition what not to do. In this culture, I guess we’ll take our role models where we can.

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/