Presents versus presence

I remember the Christmas several years ago when my daughter had her heart set on accumulating as many “Littlest Pet Shop” houses, play sets, animals and accessories as possible. She had to have them. So we (and all the relatives) bought all the pink and purple plastic toys in bulk. Hasbro made out pretty well from our investment alone that year. Christmas morning, she opened her Littlest Pet Shop extravaganza and was thrilled.

The following year, if you had asked what she got the last Christmas, she couldn’t tell you. Completely forgotten. What she could tell you, in exact detail, were all the things we actually did as a family over the holiday. Building gingerbread houses. Baking gingerbread men to occupy the houses. Making ornaments for the tree. Seeing the lights at night in her pajamas with a cup of cocoa. Baking cookies with her grandparents. Watching our favorite holiday movies with a glass of eggnog. Even just watching the fire crackle with carols playing in the background. She remembered every single one of these small gestures of the season. The Littlest Pet Shop, in all its pastel plastic glory, was ultimately forgotten.

I have to remind myself every year that despite what the media would like me to believe, I don’t need to run around trying to find the perfect gift for my children to make the holiday special or meaningful. This season’s “must have” present is often next year’s garage sale item. Sure there have been favorite presents over the years, we have had our “Red Rider BB Gun” moments, but in general the “wow” factor of these gifts quickly fades. The best holiday memories we’ve had haven’t been a function of how much money I spent on the kids, but how much time I spent with them. My presence was more valuable than their presents.

Now, if even one small tradition is forgotten, my daughter is the first to let me know. I have a feeling that someday her children will be reminding her of all these things as well.

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/

Slowing to a stop

It’s a real buzz-kill when you find out your parents are considered more cutting edge than you are. 

If a typical Saturday for you growing up meant goofing off outside, making up games with your neighborhood friends and being left to entertain yourself with whatever you could find, then your parents were unknowing proponents of what is now called the “Slow Parenting Movement.” This “new” approach to parenting promotes a general “slowing down” of the pace of modern family life. This is a rather radical concept compared to the frenetic schedules many families keep today. A typical Saturday now includes shuttling kids to their various activities, grabbing meals through the drive through and wondering where the weekend went. (Then repeating the whole process next Saturday.) 

Life in the slow lane

The premise of “slow parenting” is that by trying to enhance our children’s lives with enrichment programs, scheduled activities and even educational toys and DVDs, we actually deprive them of the opportunity to explore life at a pace that fosters their own creativity and natural development. As a result, they are less imaginative, need constant stimulation and are overly stressed. They lack a connection to the natural world and their ability to problem solve on their own is hindered. Supporters of slow parenting argue that children whose activities are primarily directed by adults lack the chance to discover and develop skills on their own.

Life in the fast lane

There are others who think that the myriad of opportunities available to children today should be taken full advantage of. Participating in various sports, music lessons, art classes, camps, etc. exposes kids to new interests they might develop. Kids who are busy are less likely to engage in delinquent activity. Finally, many believe that pushing kids to achieve on many levels is necessary if we want them, and our future society, to compete in a global economy.

Both approaches have one thing in common – parents who are trying to do the right thing for their kids. It’s interesting though that our current culture has produced a “movement” saying it’s okay not to be so busy. When did not signing up for travel soccer become something we had to justify – to ourselves or our kids? If the norm has become to provide every advantage and opportunity in the name of good parenting, it does seem counter–intuitive to choose a “less is more” approach. It’s possible however, that instead of being such actively involved parents, we might serve our kids better by butting out of their childhood a little more. 

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/