"Hibernating" a mother bear instinct

I never truly appreciated the magnitude of the “mothering instinct” until I had some “young” to protect myself. Like many mothers, as soon as I learned I was pregnant, that drive kicked in with a passion. Eating more nutritiously, taking prenatal vitamins, reading “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” – it’s all done in an effort to provide the best possible start for our baby. And when that little helpless life is actually placed in your arms, whoa! Those feelings of protectiveness get ratcheted up even higher. You understand that mama (or papa) bear feeling of keeping your cubs safe at any cost. It’s not intellectual, it’s primal.

As babies get mobile, the job of protecting them is a little trickier. I personally turned our home into a padded, cushioned, gated community when my twins were toddlers. Foam covered any hard edge. Latches kept cabinets tightly shut. Toys were routinely inspected and sterilized. Doorknob covers made it virtually impossible for any adult to open a door. Even the toilet had a lock on it. I had created the safest environment I possibly could. (But still intellectually and physically stimulating because you know I read “What to Expect, the Toddler Years.”) The underlying goal – no harm will come to these children on my watch.

The only trouble is, the world keeps steadily creeping into my soft little biome and the “pain” I so desperately want to protect my children from now comes in so many ambiguous forms. Hurtful words from a friend. Feeling isolated from a group. Realizing one’s own shortcomings. My heart tells me to jump in and correct these blows and make everything right again. My head tells me that rushing in and rescuing my kids from life’s disappointments ultimately makes them more vulnerable. If I want them to become more resilient, learn to persevere, develop humility, etc. then I have to give them the opportunity to develop these traits on their own.

So, I’m trying to let that mother bear instinct in me hibernate a little more.  It’s hard but the cubs need me to do it. Hopefully they know the den will always be here.

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/