When it's tough to be thankful

With Thanksgiving approaching, our thoughts turn to what we are thankful for. If you have children, feeling grateful for the many joys they bring is easy this time of year. The trick is to be thankful for the challenges parenting provides as well. Here are some “opportunities” for gratitude you may not have thought of.

Kids’ “obliviousness”

You have to appreciate the fashion sense of little boys who routinely wear their clothes inside out, backward, torn or stained and couldn’t care less. We’d like them to look more presentable (at least in public) but thank goodness there is someone in our culture who isn’t concerned about “image.”  They’ll become label conscious soon enough. Consider this time when kids don’t care that their shoes are on the wrong feet golden.

Sibling rivalry

Fighting, from minor button-pushing to full out hand to hand combat, drives parents nuts. From our perspective (and Rodney King’s) we say, “Can’t we all just get along?” For kids however, they are learning the dynamics of conflict.  Can I stand up for myself? Can I articulate how I feel? Can I reel in my anger? Sibling arguments provide the first opportunity to learn how to fight fair, say you’re sorry and hopefully grow closer. Friendships can be fickle at this age. Blow it with a friend and they may leave. With sibilings, there are lots of chances for “do overs.” Hearing your kids finally work through a conflict peacefully on their own feels like a major parental accomplishment – because it is.

Personality differences

If you have a child with a personality very different from your own, understanding or connecting with them can be difficult. Their interests, abilities or even approach to life can make it seem like they were switched at birth and really belong to another family.  But when you do come to appreciate your child for exactly who they are, you open the door to feeling empathetic to a larger part of the world. Accepting differences in others is easier when you see those characteristics in your own child.

An “empty nest”

Congratulations! You have just successfully completed the monumental task of raising a child to adulthood! Wasn’t that the goal all along? You’ve invested a lot in your son or daughter and, of course, you will miss them when they’re gone. Now you can give up the day to day operations of child rearing and watch them thrive on their own. Enjoy it. Focus on yourself guilt-free. (And don’t lay a guilt trip on them for growing up.)

Column originally appears in Current in Fishers http://currentinfishers.com/